水果苹果作文(水果苹果作文200字)

　　在ETS给出的托福写作官方评分标准中，我们总结一共有四条，Elaboration、organization、logical connection和language use。在organization中， 有一条准则是作文要做到Unity，即一致性。

　　一致性是什么呢？

　　简单来说就是整篇文章只说一件事，即在整篇文章的层面上，开头、结尾、和主体段都要围绕题目的主题展开，在每一个主体段内，每一个supporting sentence都要支持topic sentence的论点。这个要求看起来简单，实际上却是考生们最容易丢分犯错的地方。

Thesis statement

Topic sentence

Supporting sentence

Concluding sentence

陈述作者观点

每一个topic sentence都要支持thesis statement

每一个supporting sentence都要是topic sentence的解释说明或者举例说明

再次陈述作者观点，总结理由

　　我们举个例子，当你在写一篇关于苹果的论文时，你可以写到苹果的不同种类，比如红富士，国光，青苹果，黄苹果。如果你写到了西瓜，梨，橘子，香蕉，并用这些和苹果来进行对比，也是可以的，因为你依然在说水果，并且在用不同的水果和苹果进行对比，你提起这些水果的目的还是为了更好的描述苹果。

　　可是，如果你从苹果开始写，然后写到橘子，香蕉，在香蕉上着墨甚多，接着从香蕉延伸到了爱吃香蕉的猴子，虽然一步步走下来，逻辑上看上去是有关联的，但是到了猴子的时候，和一开始的苹果显然已经不在一个主题内了，这种时候文章就没有达到一致性的要求。

　　在批改学生作文的过程中，发现很多学生都会有这种问题。举个例子，我们看一下这个学生的这篇作文。

　　Many people have thing what kind of work they should taking for long time. Under this situation, some people start to consider that whether when people have the chance to get a secure job they should take it right away or they should wait for job that would be more satisfying. From my perspective, this problem requires classification to decide, because different kind of people will benefit from both way to take job.

　　Initially, I think older people should take the secure job when they have opportunity, because most of older people need the steady income to support their family daily used.Few could deny that, secure job provide people's steady income, once people lose job they need to find a new one, but during the time they do not have job,they need to pinch and scrape to support their life. So it is obvious that older people should choice to have secure job to ensure their life, moreover,if they have the children's to go to school, it is also a large amount ofspending, which means secure job is the best way older people should take. For example my uncle Tom, he is a train driver before he get some little money to show off, but he feel unsatisfied about their life, he want to be a rich person to splurge, so he choice to ahead of time to retired and then use the money he have deposited for hole life to do the risk investment, and then he failed about his business, at now he need to borrow money to support his son go to the university.

　　Additionally, the young people should taking the risk to wait satisfying job, because they still have a lot of time to strive for better life, when young people have any chance got promote they should take the chance and work hard with it, because life is short and we all only live once, so the people should not leave any regret when they still young, when they became old, they won't feel sorry about oneself.Also if so many young people working hard to get satisfying position, it also will be positive affect for the society, to inspire more younger people to work harder. For instance my friend Tim is an designer, when he graduate from the university, a famous designer company in the Europe hade invite him to join in,but he didn't stop his pace to improve himself, after three years, he got job-hopping to the Japan, at now he work under the Nendo.

　　首先这篇文章并没有结尾段，在完整性上没能达到unity的要求。其次，thesis statement表意含糊，有语病，使读者不能明确掌握作者的观点。

　　根据对作者表意不够清晰的主旨句进行分析，作者大致认为不同的人可以在两种职业选择中有不同程度的受益。在第一段主体段里，作者认为老年人应当做稳定的工作，如果去冒险，就会有失败的风险，并举自己亲戚的例子说明自己的观点。这里的主题段和自己的主旨句----不同的人在不同的情况下会有不同程度的受益----就不再能保持一致了，不能做到评分标准中unity的要求。在第二段中，作者用自己的朋友跳槽至日本试图说明年轻人要冒险等一个令人满意的工作的主题。但是朋友不断学习不断进步，得以跳槽已经脱离了最初的主题，即年轻人不该接受稳定的工作，而应该去冒险等待更满意的工作，因为作者没能说出跳槽至日本对朋友来说到底如何更加满意，而是把侧重点放在了朋友不懈努力中，因此也不能做到评分标准中unity的要求。

　　我们已经知道了什么样的文章不符合一致性的标准，那么，要怎么写出一篇符合一致性的文章呢？

　　第一步是要审题，知道文章的主题（topic）是什么，讨论的重点在哪里。

　　第二步是要搭建桥梁（build up bridges），段落与段落之间，句子与句子之间需要少量重复的关键字来使文章一直围绕着一个主题展开。

　　比如，有一篇文章需要写到小冰河时代的成因分析。文章首段中就应当出现重要关键词小冰河时代以表明主题观点，这个关键词在接下来的几个段落里也应该不时出现，确保主题还是在说小冰河时代。即使会出现其他关键词如温室效应，也应当将它与小冰河时代联系在一起，阐述他们的关系，说明提起温室效应对解释小冰河时代的必要性。

　　第三步是检查，在写完完整的文章之后，应当通篇阅读自己的文章，看看每一段是不是都在为主题服务，每一段中的每一句话是不是都为了解释说明段落中心句。

　　长此以往，用正确的方法去练习，相信大家们的写作水平一定会有一个显著的提升。

　　原文地址：https://www.onebest.cn/content-102-4257-1.html